Who Should Be Your References? (Selecting the Best)

The Phone Calls That Seal the Deal

Reference checks happen after they’ve decided they want to hire you. You’ve impressed them in interviews. You’ve passed the skills assessments. Now they just need confirmation that you’re actually as good as you seem.

The people you choose for calling references and how you prepare them can either reinforce everything positive the employer believes about you or introduce doubt at the worst possible moment.

I’ve made thousands of reference calls over my career. The best references don’t just confirm dates and titles. They tell stories. They provide specific examples. They make me more confident in my hiring decision. The weak ones are vague, hesitant, or so clearly scripted that I wonder what they’re hiding.

Choosing and preparing your references is the final step in interview preparation that most candidates skip. Don’t skip it.

Who Makes the Best Reference

Your professional references should be people who supervised your work, worked closely alongside you, or directly observed your professional capabilities. The more relevant their perspective to the job you’re pursuing, the better.

Former Direct Managers

These are the gold standard. A former boss who can speak to your work quality, reliability, and growth carries tremendous weight. They saw you in action daily. They evaluated your performance formally. Their opinion matters most to hiring managers who will soon be in that same supervisory position.

Ideally, include at least one manager from your most recent relevant position. If your current manager doesn’t know you’re searching, a manager from your previous role works well.

Senior Colleagues

Peers who worked alongside you can speak to collaboration, teamwork, and day-to-day reliability. They’re especially valuable for roles emphasizing teamwork or cross-functional collaboration.

Choose colleagues senior enough that their judgment carries credibility. A fellow junior employee’s opinion matters less than a senior team member who’s seen many people in similar roles.

Clients or External Partners

For client-facing roles, someone who experienced your work as a customer or partner can be powerful. They speak to how you represent your organization externally, handle relationships, and deliver results from the client perspective.

Professors or Academic Advisors

Only appropriate for recent graduates or career changers returning to school. A professor who supervised significant research or projects can speak to your intellectual capabilities and work ethic. For experienced professionals, academic references seem odd and raise questions about why you don’t have professional ones.

Expert Advice: The recency and relevance of your reference matters more than their title. A current senior colleague who worked with you daily is often more valuable than a VP you reported to five years ago who barely remembers you.

Who to Avoid

Some references hurt more than they help. Understanding who to list as reference also means understanding who not to list.

Family and Friends

Personal references who know you socially but never worked with you professionally carry essentially zero weight. When I see a candidate who can only provide personal references, I wonder why they can’t find anyone from their professional life willing to vouch for them.

People Who Barely Know You

That impressive VP you met twice at company events? They probably won’t remember enough about you to provide a meaningful reference. Worse, they might say “I don’t really know them well enough to comment,” which raises more concerns than not listing them at all.

Anyone Who Might Have Negative Feelings

If you left a role on bad terms, that former manager is not your reference even if they were technically your supervisor. Seek references from other people at that company who can speak positively, or skip that employer in your reference list entirely.

Preparing Your References

Reference check preparation makes the difference between a reference who helps and one who harms your candidacy through vague or inconsistent responses.

Ask Permission First

Never list someone as a reference without asking them first. Getting caught off guard by a reference call is uncomfortable for them and often produces weak responses. Contact each potential reference before beginning your job search.

“Hi Sarah, I’m beginning a job search for senior marketing roles. You’re someone whose opinion I really respect, and I think you can speak well to my work on the brand refresh project. Would you be willing to serve as a reference for me?”

This approach confirms their willingness, reminds them of specific work to reference, and primes them for the kind of feedback that would be most helpful.

Brief Them Before Each Check

When you reach the reference check stage with a specific company, contact your references again with details:

• The company name and role you’re pursuing
• Key skills or experiences the employer seems to value
• Specific projects or accomplishments you’d love them to mention
• Any potential concerns the employer might have that you’d like them to address

This isn’t asking them to lie. It’s helping them understand which truthful aspects of your work are most relevant to highlight.

💡 Pro Tips: Send this briefing via email so they have a written reminder. Reference calls often happen when your reference is busy, and having your email to glance at helps them provide stronger, more relevant responses.

What References Get Asked

Understanding typical reference check questions helps you prepare your references to answer them well.

Standard Questions

• How do you know the candidate? In what capacity did you work together?
• What were their primary responsibilities?
• How would you describe their work quality?
• What are their greatest strengths?
• What areas could they improve?
• Would you hire them again or work with them again?

Role-Specific Questions

For leadership roles: “How did they handle conflict?” “How did they develop their team members?”

For technical roles: “How did they approach complex problems?” “How did they handle situations where they didn’t know the answer?”

For client-facing roles: “How did they handle difficult clients?” “How did clients respond to working with them?”

The Red Flag Question

Almost every reference call includes some version of “Is there anything that concerns you about them in this role?” or “What should we watch out for?”

Coach your references to answer this honestly but constructively. Complete denial of any weaknesses sounds implausible. The best answers acknowledge development areas while framing them positively: “She sometimes takes on too much because she’s reluctant to say no to interesting projects. It’s something she’s actively working on.”

For more guidance on navigating the complete hiring process, explore our career preparation resources.

Managing Difficult Reference Situations

Your Current Employer Doesn’t Know

If you’re conducting a confidential search, you can’t use your current manager as a reference. Explain this to potential employers upfront: “My current employer doesn’t know I’m exploring opportunities, so I’ve provided references from my previous roles. I’m happy to arrange current references once an offer is extended.”

Most employers understand and accept this. It’s a standard situation.

You Had a Bad Relationship with a Former Boss

If your direct manager at a key job would not give you a good reference, look for alternatives: a skip-level manager, a senior colleague, someone from another department you collaborated with, or a client. You can cover that employment period without using the specific supervisor who was problematic.

Former Company Won’t Provide References

Some companies have policies limiting references to HR verification of dates and titles only. In this case, seek individual colleagues who will speak personally (not on behalf of the company) about your work. Their perspectives are technically personal references but carry professional weight.

❓ FAQ

Final Thoughts

Calling references is the final validation employers seek before extending offers. The voices of people who’ve worked with you carry weight that no interview performance can match.

Choose references who know your work well and will speak enthusiastically. Prepare them with context about the role and company. Thank them afterward. Treat them as the valuable professional assets they are.

When reference calls go well, they reinforce everything the employer already believes about you. When they go poorly, they can unravel an otherwise successful candidacy. Make sure yours go well.